I'm writing this at 2-something AM. I have no idea why I can't sleep. Maybe my mind is actually racing with thoughts and I just haven't been paying attention.
As for the status of anything at this point, I have started editing the Rugrats in Paris review. This might be like editing the first Rugrats review, where I grow more and more reluctant and irritable the closer the review gets to completion. As for any other review ideas, I've had a few, but none that compelled me to actually write something out.
While that's sort of going on, I'm also making progress on fanfics. They seem to be the things I actually enjoy writing. I've finished and posted a one-shot on DeviantArt and FanFiction.net and quite a few people (two) have asked me to write a continuation. I may be up to that once I finish this other fanfic that I haven't updated since September. Irritating how time flies by.
This is my third month back home, and I still don't have a job nor am I taking any classes. I have been applying though. Granted, I haven't been putting all that much energy into it. I've also been told to apply for scholarships.
When I'm not wasting away my days on Tumblr, I tend to do a lot of thinking. The sort of thinking that would get me into a somber mood, guaranteed. I'm not sure how long this has been going on. I wanna say that it started while I was in Germany. That much alone time, especially in an awkward school setting, can be used for existential quandary. Though I'm not sure if I did this same sort of thing back when I was in school, even before my first relationship. Perhaps I was too busy to notice back then.
Whatever the case, I get into these slumps filled with nagging thoughts about the future and how I will view what will eventually be the past at that point. I'm not sure what my deal is. And part of me wonders if I should see someone about this. I can't really go to my friends, most of them are too busy to hang out with me. I don't want to worry my parents too much. Then again, how else could I get an appointment with a therapist?
I don't know anymore.
I know that you have probably heard this a thousand times, but DO NOT give up. Life pretty much sucks for during this age, and all we can do is pick up the piece and focus on things day by day. If you need to talk to someone you shouldn't feel ashamed to do so. I feel the same way when I have to think about being able to pay for school, books, groceries, loans, etc. You're not alone in this, so don't give up man! Thinking about the future is scary. Hell, thinking about turning 20 years old scares the hell out of me. During this time, life is pretty much kicking us in the nuts (I know I don't have any but you get what I'm trying to say). If it makes you feel any better, many people who are big on the top had to get down in the dirt in the beginning. Keep on trying!
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful. Thank you.
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