Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Mr. Baseball

Tom Selleck plays a baseball player who is sent to Japan to play ball there because he sucked in America. That's about the size of it.

If you liked Major League, you'll probably like Mr. Baseball. It's pretty funny to see Tom Selleck act like an asshole in a different country.

It's not bad.

Friday, December 25, 2009

A Christmas Carol (starring Jim Carrey)

This movie is a hot mess. It took a fairly simple story and made it into a bizarre movie.

The main problem is that the movie tries to be different things, a serious movie (but God forbid that an animated film should be serious), a slapstick comedy, and, of course, a showoffy-let's-see-what-3D-can-do movie.

Another problem is that it stops to let the meeting of the Ghosts sink in, only to speed through the main parts of the story, like a pianist with no sense of tempo. Belle (Scrooges old flame) has like 2-3 minutes of screen time, Tiny Tim has really only two lines(both of them the same, take a guess), the movie just breezes right through them to get to the "stunt" scenes.

However, there are some moments of brilliance, mainly the final moments of the Ghost of Christmas Present.

It's not "bad", it just bothers me how disjointed it is, it's like an unsolvable Rubik's Cube. It just gets worse when I nitpick it more and more.

I don't "like it" that much, but I'm pretty sure kids will like it.

The Usual Suspects

I can't really say anything other than, HOLY SHIT!

This movie is great and if you love crime dramas, this movie is for you. That's all I can say.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

For those of you who don't know, Benjamin Button was a short story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald in 1922. David Fincher decided to direct a movie adaptation starring Brad Pitt in the title lead, and for his trouble, the film won 3 out of 13 Oscar nominations.

Essentially, this film is just Forrest Gump with an earlier setting and a main character with a case of backwards aging. Like Gump, Button has a love-of-his-life that pops up frequently throughout the film and, also like Gump, he has spent some time out on the sea.

I don't know why, but all this talk of backwards aging kind of reminds me of the German childrens' novel Die Unendliche Geschichte, known in the US as The Neverending Story, written by Michael Ende ("Ende" is the German word "end", HA HA HA) in 1979. The author wrote about a race of creatures called the "Sassafranians", "who are born old and die when they become babies". One can't say that Ende was stealing from Fitzgerald, because the idea of backwards aging is something that ANYONE could've came up with.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the film is really well made and it's freakin' good.

It's nice to see another film that's about the same length as Watchmen.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Princess And The Frog

Today, I decided to go see James Cameron's Avatar at 4:20. Sadly though, it was sold out. Luckily, two other movies were gonna play around the same time, Planet 51 and The Princess And The Frog. I pondered,"Hmm, a traditionally animated Disney film directed by John Musker & Ron Clements(Aladdin, Treasure Planet, Little Mermaid), or a CG animated film where the alien visitor plot has the roles reversed and, from the trailers, comedic writing that would make me bang my head against the chair(a la The Spirit)?" So I went to see Princess and the Frog.

Basically, a prince from an obviously made-up country(I think) gets turned into a frog by a witch doctor(played by Keith David) while his jackass of a butler gets a talisman where he will appear as the prince as long as it is filled with the princes blood. The frog escapes from the witch doctor and meets our workaholic protagonist and mistakes her for a princess(The movie was inspired by The Frog Prince BTW). So after kissing him, the girl is turned into a frog. That's the basic jist of it.

This movie basically has the the same feel as the Musker/Clements films from the Disney Renaissance, only instead of taking place in a Eurasian country with music by Alan Menkin, we have it take place in New Orleans with music by Randy Newman. Also, our main character, Tiana, is African-American. Nice change of pace guys.

Tiana, IMO, is probably one of my favorite Disney heroines so far(if not ever). She's really likable and actually seems to have depth, unlike most of our princesses from the DRenaissance(No, that's not a misspelling).

Prince Naveen is kinda like if Lumiere was a main character.

The witch doctor, aka Shadow man, aka Dr. Dacilier is a pretty cool villain since he has voodoo on his side.

Ray, the Cajun firefly they meet up with, is a pretty fun character. Also, he's voiced by Jim Cummings, which is odd because usually when Cummings has a role, I can ALWAYS tell it's him, but here, I had no idea. Good job Jim.

Charlotte is Tiana's best friend who is essentially the only main Caucasian character and she's a spoiled brat of a rich girl who's obsessed with princesses with a pushover fat, rich dad(who's voiced by John Goodman). Also she's blonde.

...Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahh. Does anyone else kinda think that Charlotte is a sort of racist stereotype of white people? I understand that people may think that white people "deserve it" for our "history" with blacks, but the thing of it is, racism is wrong no matter who it's directed towards.

Other than that, I like this movie.

EDIT: That last part was the dumbest thing I've ever written, and I've had some doozies.

(Note from 2014): This is STILL the stupidest fucking thing I ever wrote.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Snowman

To quote Leonard Nimoy,"Fascinating."

Essentially, it's basically Frosty the Snowman, only silent, more atmospheric, really cool animation, and had been made into a stage play(no joke).

Two things that irritate me:

1. The ending, I get that since it's about a snowman, the snowman should melt(even Frosty melted), but here it's unapologetically straight forward. (Kid runs out to see his snowman's remains, the shot lasts about one second, roll credits), what the hell?

2. How many people make an appendaged snowman? I wouldn't mind it if it was just him, but EVERY snowman is the same way. It's like if they cloned Frosty over and over again. At least the Jack Frost snowman was realistic(well duh, but you get the point).

It's definitely a movie that needs to be seen at least once.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Boondock Saints

Boondock Saints is about two Irish brothers who believe they were called upon by God to kill those who are corrupted, whether they be murderers, rapists, mob bosses, essentially those people that any sane human would dub insane assholes.

Meanwhile, an F.B.I. agent played by Willem Dafoe is trying to track them but ultimately agrees with what they're doing.

This movie deserves the cult following it has. The action is fun, the characters are really likable and hysterical, Willem Dafoe steals the show in any scene he's in, and it has an interesting topic for discussion. Is it okay for vigilantes to kill people if the people they're killing are criminals? It's the kind of debate you'd see in a Chris Nolan Batman movie.

All around, pretty damn good. I like it.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


This is one of my all-time favorite movies.

Twins David(Tobey Maguire) and Jennifer(Reese Witherspoon), two teens from the '90s, are transported into a '50s Black and White TV show known as Pleasantville by way of a remote given to them by a TV repairman(Don Knotts). Pleasantville is essentially the '50s interpretation of a utopia, no crime, no weather other than sunny, and the fire department's only job is to save cats from trees.

The first half of the movie pretty much mocks some cliches found in sitcoms(Why don't we see what they're reading? Because the books are blank). After, Jennifer introduces sex to this world, things gradually start going technicolor, it rains, words start appearing in the books, and a tree is set on fire.

The reason why they turn technicolor(IMO) is because the characters express deep emotions that they normally don't have. For example, Jennifer, the slacking slut, goes color after she refuses to have sex with her new boyfriend because she was studying.

Seriously people, I love this movie. It has a great message and I highly recommend you watch it.


Track down this movie, it kicks ass.

Seriously, anyone who has read the Sandman comics or is fascinated with dreams needs to watch this movie.

Basically, there are two sides to our world, one normal, and the other in some dream parallel. While you sleep, there are people who give good dreams(storytellers) and people who give nightmares(incubus).

Also, there's this blind guy known as a pathfinder. He has some of the best lines in the movie.

Seriously, check this out. It's freakin' awesome.

Question, why is it that almost every time there's a dream scene in a movie, the dream just seems too real to be a dream?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas

..........................................................Heiliger Mist(Holy Crap).

How do you review a movie like this?

I've never taken drugs ever, and after watching this, I don't think I need to.

This movie is one ginormous acid trip.

It's sick, psychotic, trippy, and insane. I wouldn't have it any other way.


Fievel Goes West